Gav constantly tells me he wants a baby sister. No coaxing from us. Promise.
We get lots of questions (hints, jabs, pleading…) from friends and family as to when we might be adding another little one to our little family.
I know over 20 people who are pregnant right now (CONGRATS!!! If I haven’t already congratulated you, I’m soooo happy and excited for you all!!!)
We’ve known for a little while now that we are ready to have another baby. More than ready, wanting more than anything another little sweet spirit to raise and to nurture. In August we started entertaining the idea and shortly after we started trying for another baby. We thought it would be fairly easy since G was soooo easy for us, too easy in fact… if you know the story, you’re probably laughing right about now.
In December, the Monday two weeks before Christmas, I got a positive pregnancy test. I told Chris and we were so excited.
Tuesday morning I tested again just because I have to have more than one confirmation on good things, and it was negative. Fine. I got a negative test with G the first few tests. I thought I’d wait a day or two to test again, just because I wasn’t that far along.
Wednesday morning I started bleeding and cramping. To the point where I turned on a movie for G, laid down on the couch next to him and I don’t remember the few hours after that.
After a blood test, the nurse confirmed my fears and said that I’d had what they call a blighted ovum, or a failed pregnancy.
January:
We were hopeful, considering everything was happening the right way, just a little bit of a mishap. So about two weeks ago I was excited when I started feeling little hints of pregnancy and a few other things did or didn’t happen. I was sooo anxious to test but Chris made me wait. He only made me wait a couple more days, just to make sure, the meanie.
Monday night, a quick faint positive.
Tuesday morning, another quick faint positive. EEK!
Wednesday night we went and got a digital test, just to get an honest to goodness result, and there it was… one little word….
We were so excited!
Last Sunday we all got colds, nasty mean colds. By Thursday I had a massive migrane, put me out all day long. At 6 I made G dinner, and then I felt it. Ran upstairs, fearing the worst and knew, it was over.
Friday, still bleeding, I called the doctors office and they had me go in to have bloodwork done, with a second set of tests on the following Monday. Today the nurse called, telling me I had had a miscarriage.
The doctor wants us to wait a couple months, keep taking vitamins and to just relax. I have a few things to discuss with her about a previous condition that we think might be causing this and what we think might explain how we got pregnant with G so easy. But all in all, we’re going to take her advice (duh!) and wait a little while longer… much to my dismay.
I’ve cried, I’m mourning. I have prayed to the Lord in both extreme joy and sorrow. I’m putting my faith in Him and I know I’ll be able to give Gavin that little sister OR brother (I’m fine with either, despite what my pink obsession might tell you!) one day. I’ve also blamed myself, as all women do, about the kind of mother I am, about the kind of wife I am… about the kind of daughter I am. That it might make me unworthy to be a mother again. And while no amount of brooding over any of that will help the situation, I’ve still done it. I know I’m doing the best I can. I have my days where I am lazy lazy lazy, but I’m doing what I can. I don’t know that we’ll ever have a big family, I just know that I want to be the best mother to how many ever children the Lord blesses us with.
So hopefully, in the near future, you’ll see an announcement from us, but for now know that we’re doing well, G is the love of our lives and we’re striving to be the best parents we can be. And… if you can stand it you’ll be seeing lots more of his gorgeous eyelashes and histerical one liners!! Thank you for your love, support and understanding. Thank you for your friendship, we couldn’t be more grateful for all of you!