Baby Steps *long without pictures… just a warning*
Gav constantly tells me he wants a baby sister. No coaxing from us. Promise.
We get lots of questions (hints, jabs, pleading…) from friends and family as to when we might be adding another little one to our little family.
I know over 20 people who are pregnant right now (CONGRATS!!! If I haven’t already congratulated you, I’m soooo happy and excited for you all!!!)
We’ve known for a little while now that we are ready to have another baby. More than ready, wanting more than anything another little sweet spirit to raise and to nurture. In August we started entertaining the idea and shortly after we started trying for another baby. We thought it would be fairly easy since G was soooo easy for us, too easy in fact… if you know the story, you’re probably laughing right about now.
In December, the Monday two weeks before Christmas, I got a positive pregnancy test. I told Chris and we were so excited.
Tuesday morning I tested again just because I have to have more than one confirmation on good things, and it was negative. Fine. I got a negative test with G the first few tests. I thought I’d wait a day or two to test again, just because I wasn’t that far along.
Wednesday morning I started bleeding and cramping. To the point where I turned on a movie for G, laid down on the couch next to him and I don’t remember the few hours after that.
After a blood test, the nurse confirmed my fears and said that I’d had what they call a blighted ovum, or a failed pregnancy.
January:
We were hopeful, considering everything was happening the right way, just a little bit of a mishap. So about two weeks ago I was excited when I started feeling little hints of pregnancy and a few other things did or didn’t happen. I was sooo anxious to test but Chris made me wait. He only made me wait a couple more days, just to make sure, the meanie.
Monday night, a quick faint positive.
Tuesday morning, another quick faint positive. EEK!
Wednesday night we went and got a digital test, just to get an honest to goodness result, and there it was… one little word….
We were so excited!
Last Sunday we all got colds, nasty mean colds. By Thursday I had a massive migrane, put me out all day long. At 6 I made G dinner, and then I felt it. Ran upstairs, fearing the worst and knew, it was over.
Friday, still bleeding, I called the doctors office and they had me go in to have bloodwork done, with a second set of tests on the following Monday. Today the nurse called, telling me I had had a miscarriage.
The doctor wants us to wait a couple months, keep taking vitamins and to just relax. I have a few things to discuss with her about a previous condition that we think might be causing this and what we think might explain how we got pregnant with G so easy. But all in all, we’re going to take her advice (duh!) and wait a little while longer… much to my dismay.
I’ve cried, I’m mourning. I have prayed to the Lord in both extreme joy and sorrow. I’m putting my faith in Him and I know I’ll be able to give Gavin that little sister OR brother (I’m fine with either, despite what my pink obsession might tell you!) one day. I’ve also blamed myself, as all women do, about the kind of mother I am, about the kind of wife I am… about the kind of daughter I am. That it might make me unworthy to be a mother again. And while no amount of brooding over any of that will help the situation, I’ve still done it. I know I’m doing the best I can. I have my days where I am lazy lazy lazy, but I’m doing what I can. I don’t know that we’ll ever have a big family, I just know that I want to be the best mother to how many ever children the Lord blesses us with.
So hopefully, in the near future, you’ll see an announcement from us, but for now know that we’re doing well, G is the love of our lives and we’re striving to be the best parents we can be. And… if you can stand it you’ll be seeing lots more of his gorgeous eyelashes and histerical one liners!! Thank you for your love, support and understanding. Thank you for your friendship, we couldn’t be more grateful for all of you!
February 3rd, 2010 at 7:42 am
Hey sorry to hear about you losses. I know how you feel I have had 5 losses and 1 tubal. It is hard and at this point we are just thankful for Kaden and have stopped trying. I have come to the point were if it happens it does. Good luck and hopefully it will all work out.
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:02 am
Hey girl…so sorry it has been a hard couple of months. We will keep you guys in our thoughts and prayers!
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:41 am
so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. how frustrating to be ready to be pregnant again and have all these ups and downs. I had 2 miscarriages before we got pregnant with the twins and I was surprised how devastating they were. When we got pregnant with the twins I was taking progesterone and had my blood checked every few days just to make sure everything was going okay. Maybe ask your doctor if either of those are an option for you. Will be crossing our fingers for you and your little family
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:41 am
((((((HUGS))))))
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:46 am
Triana and Chris,
We can’t even begin to express our sorrow for you and your losses. We had a miscarriage about six weeks ago (10 weeks along) and it has been a devastating experience. We have a tiny grave in our backyard and a hole in our hearts that feels like it will never be filled. There have been many people with good intentions who have said hurtful things, and others who have kept silent, which almost hurts worse. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, we wish we were closer so we could help. Things that helped us were to name our baby, write letters to her and put together a little memory box. It includes the positive pregnancy test, letters, pictures of me pregnant and a few dried flowers that were given to us. Let yourselves grieve and cry for a long time… I know women who lost babies years ago and still cry when they talk about it. We have learned that with the sorrow comes peace as well, we know we will see our child again someday. We know you will see your children again; they needed to come to earth to get tiny bodies and then had to leave. They must be amazing spirits to have that kind of faith.
Love,
The Garbetts
February 3rd, 2010 at 10:24 am
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know how dissappointing, terrifying, and even painful this can be. Let me know if you need anything- a playdate, a babysitter, a dinner, some cookies, whatever.
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Man, it sounds like you are going through some hard times. I know the Lord will bless you for your faithfulness and endurance. We’ll have to have a girl’s night so you can relax and de-stress! I’ll keep you in my prayers.
February 10th, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Oh honey, I’m so so sorry. Huge, colossal (((hugs))). Never having had a miscarriage myself, I don’t really know what to say…except that I’m hurting for you. It seems like so many women I know are struggling with this right now. I’m just so sorry sweetie and wish I could bring over a big ol’ pot of soup right now. You’re definitely in my thoughts
February 11th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Hey, I would love to write a long response to this, as I’ve had a lot of thoughts while reading it, but I just haven’t the time. However I wanted to make something quite clear. Your Father in Heaven is NOT punishing you. I know the kind of parents you are and there is nothing to punish. You and Chris are two wonderful people trying their hardest and Heavenly Father couldn’t ask for more than that. THIS ISN”T YOUR FAULT!!
February 15th, 2010 at 6:54 am
Triana! I’m so sorry. I had a miscarriage right before we moved out here, and then it took us a year to get pregnant…I know the wait sucks! I hope you’re taking time to get to feeling better…it can be so draining! And, I love pictures of little G–he’s so cute! I think it’s totally funny that he asks for a sister..Caden did the same thing!
Good luck, cute girl!